Loss...

Today I received an email.

This email made me sick to my stomach..

and made my heart sink..

 

We lost a marine from the battalion.

We didn't know him personally,

but upon reading this email, I realized it could have just as easily been my husband.

Or one of his friends that is close to our hearts.

 

My heart goes out to our fallen hero, his family, and his friends..

I can not imagine how devastated they are.

I didn't know him. And my heart is so full of heaviness.

And breaking.

 

Rest in peace.

More than anything...

The day my husband comes home, can seriously not come soon enough..

I hate sleeping alone.

I hate dealing with dogs that don't listen to me cause they know I cant do anything about them not listening to me.

I hate not doing anything, alone.

 

The house may be cleaner.

The money may be better.

 

But I would give up everything, just to have him here.

I know I said I need to stay strong, but its a lot harder than you think.

Especially when you're extremely hormonal.

 

Everything reminds me of him.

Shows we watched together.

Walking across the street to the store (because we did it together all the time)

Any time I have to drive on base, I feel like I'll see him.

Song.. oh lord, all the songs.

 

Talking to him every two or three days is not cutting it.

I always worry.

I always cry.

I always stress.

I just want him home.

 

Even showering, or doing laundry, or being in the kitchen.

Going outside with the dogs.

They just look at me like, "Mom are you going to run around with us?"

"Where's Dad?"

 

All they do is sleep and look out the window,

and get in my face.. I think they realize how sad I am.

Any time anyone asks me how he is, or where he is, or tells me

to be strong, or that if I need anything to let them know..

I almost break down.

I don't cry in front of people.

I try not to cry at all..

But I sense a break down in the future.

 

Potentially when I go back to Washington.

I keep getting the urge to call it home.

But the reality is home is wherever my husband is.

Wherever the military moves us..

 

Even though I was born and raised in Washington

Its not my home anymore.

The reality of being an adult is setting in.

Deep.

 

Especially when this little boy gets here, and I am on my own.

I hope the dogs act alright.. it may take a little while..

I just wish Justin was here, so we could work on training them

BEFORE the baby comes.

And after.

 

Hearing from him is the best.

But hanging up the phone is the hardest.

I feel like some people think I hear from him all the time.

I get a 20 minute phone call every 2-3 days. MAYBE.

 

We have Skyped once since he left.

That was on his way there, not while he's actually there.

What I would do to see and touch his face.

To hug him. To kiss him. To hold his hand..

 

Sometimes you take all that for granted.

And don't realize what you have until you can't have it anymore.

 

I just want him home.

More than anything.



A love that lasts..

So I have been reading this book I got from my church.

Maybe you have heard of it?
It is called "The 5 Languages of Love" By Gary Chapman.

 

 

Yes my husband is gone, and he won't be home for a while, but I figured while he is gone, I can read about things to make our marriage lasting and deeper than ever. Although when he comes home, we will be in the "honeymoon" phase again for a little while, I feel there is always room for improvement in your marriage; because well, no one is perfect.

 

I am only on chapter 4 in this book, but there is so much that has already hit home for me.

Some of the scenarios may not directly apply to me, I have see them, and see their affects on friends and family.

 

I am just going to throw out a few key things that really struck a cord in me, I don't know why I feel the need to do this.. but I do have alot of married people on my friends list. Maybe this is for you?

 

I know a few people who are uncomfortable with marriage and the bible, and God tells women to submit to your husbands, and husbands love your wife like you do the church. Or when the bible spoke of husband and wife becoming "one flesh". I am not gonna lie, the first one was kind of hard for me, because when I think of submission, please no one take offense to this, I think of a mail ordered bride from a foreign country, moving in and marrying a wealthy, controlling, potentially abusive husband.

 

However when God stated these things, he did not mean for anyone should lose or give up their identity. He meant that you would enter each others lives and hearts in a way so deep and intimate, that you would become like one person. Finishing each others sentences, knowing what the other is thinking before even saying anything, things like that.

 

I also read another book called Next Generation Marriage, where the author talked about the submission thing.. and it really spoke to me, and til this day I pass it on to anyone who may be struggling to cope with that. When it says to submit to your husbands, it doesn't mean to do whatever he says, you are still your own person, and just because you are married doesn't mean you are a slave. How the author put it was, if you think of you and your husband as a couple- 100%- instead of being completely equal, we should consider our husband as 51% and ourselves as 49%.

 

This meaning, wives, your husband is supposed to take care of you, and be the head of the house... if you have money issues, you should try to figure it out on your own, you should go to your husband for advice, guidance, support, and ultimately he should come up with a solution. As well as disciplining children... if your child does something wrong, and you are unsure how to handle the situation or are thinking of a long term punishment, consult your husband in private before you just hand out weeks of restriction.

 

Another thing Gary Chapman talks about is that we all have an "emotional love tank" deep inside of us. The need for love and affection, or the sense that we belong, and that we are wanted. This idea originally started with child psychology.. stating if a child's emotional love tank was full, they would develop into a responsible adult, but if it were empty, then the child would misbehave and will be emotionally and socially challenged. If we, as married couples, kept each others emotional love tanks full, I believe there would be a lot less divorce in this world, and that our marriages would develop into strong, loving, lasting marriages, the way God intended them.

 

"Whatever the quality of your marriage now, it can always be better."

 

What if we never stopped striving to please our significant other? Even if its just little things, like packing their lunch, or making sure they have clean socks for the week.. we all know they end up getting lost in the laundry somehow. What if we did one little thing, each day, to try and make it better?

 

We have all been in the "honeymoon" stage before.. a brand new relationship, where things may seem promising, new and exciting?! Gary Chapman refers to this as the "in love obsession". An infatuation if you will.. however this is not "real love".

 

"'Real love' requires effort and discipline. By knowing his or her life can be enriched by your efforts, you too will find a sense of satisfaction - the satisfaction of having genuinely loved another."

 

Ever do a good deed, and jokingly say "well I did my good deed for the day"? I can admit, I have said this on numerous occasions, after being nice to a stranger, or doing something for a friend that you got a satisfied feeling of like, "wow, I did something good today, and helped someone". What if we strived for that sense of satisfaction that we did something to make our spouses life easier, every single day? Chew on that for a minute.. if both parties in the marriage did that... marriage wouldn't be so torn these days, would it? I personally feel most arguments stem from little things, like money, or the way they leave their sock and clothes on the floor, after you just cleaned, or they didn't put the dishes away even though you asked them to yesterday!

 

Occasionally, you will get the couples that have pent up, long term resentment towards one another.. where they might just feel like they have "fallen out of love." However, I agree with Gary Chapman on this.. he says love is a choice.. and an attitude.

"Love is an attitude that says 'I am married to you, and I choose to look out for your interests.' Then the one who chooses to love will find appropriate ways to express that decision."

 

He then goes on to talk about the thrill, passion and excitement of becoming intimate; The first kiss, the twinkle in the eye, the shooting stars.. Is all that supposed to fade away because love is an attitude with appropriate behavior? "How do we meet each other's deep, emotional need to be loved? if we can learn that and choose to do it, then the love we share will be exciting beyond anything we ever felt when we were infatuated."

 

Could you even imagine? Reliving the electricity of a first kiss, over and over, with the same person you married, for years to come? Or being able to work out issues and compromise, instead of fighting and arguing? Sounds like a dream doesn't it? Do you think it could really become reality? What if we learned to hold our tongues, and work out issues in a calm, open minded, and compromising matter? It may seem too perfect, or impossible, but its also worth trying, rather than giving up and divorcing like the other 60% of America.

 

"When your spouse's emotional love tank is full and he feels secure in your love, the whole world looks bright and your spouse will move out to reach his highest potential in life. But when the love tank is empty and he feels used but not loved, the whole world looks dark and he will likely never reach his potential for good in the world."

 

Your marriage is between you and your spouse. No one else. Seeking advice from wiser counsel is different than allowing everyone's input. When we first moved here, Justin just started work, there were a few people at work, who were single, sitting around and talking, asking him like "why did you get married so young?" "are you sure she didn't just marry you for your money?" and throwing in negativity left and right.. I know a few relationships in the military that have ended because of people doing that.. Luckily my husband knows our love and marriage is pure, and he set them straight real fast, saying that our marriage was none of their business, and that we got married for pure intentions of having a lasting relationship, with God as a foundation. Not sex, or mutual interest, or because our personality traits go good together.

 

I have told many people this, but you may not know.. When Justin and I got engaged, I made him promise me, that if we were to ever fight, he was never allowed to use the D-word (divorce) just because he was angry, neither was I. We agreed to never question our decision for getting married, and ultimately, divorce is never an option. Because if you keep divorce as an option in the back of your mind, you are likely to think about it, and pull out that card, so to speak, when things seem unbearable.

 

I know I have not been married long, and some of you may be thinking "just you wait and see" but I am telling you, just you wait and see. Love and marriage built on God as a foundation, will always work out. As long as you continue to seek God, love God, and love each other.. The rest tends to fall in to place.

 

If you read all of this... you are truly amazing, these are just the ramblings of a lonely wife, reflecting on a lasting love, and advice from multiple people on how to keep that love and marriage alive! :)

 

Until next time.