More than anything...

The day my husband comes home, can seriously not come soon enough..

I hate sleeping alone.

I hate dealing with dogs that don't listen to me cause they know I cant do anything about them not listening to me.

I hate not doing anything, alone.

 

The house may be cleaner.

The money may be better.

 

But I would give up everything, just to have him here.

I know I said I need to stay strong, but its a lot harder than you think.

Especially when you're extremely hormonal.

 

Everything reminds me of him.

Shows we watched together.

Walking across the street to the store (because we did it together all the time)

Any time I have to drive on base, I feel like I'll see him.

Song.. oh lord, all the songs.

 

Talking to him every two or three days is not cutting it.

I always worry.

I always cry.

I always stress.

I just want him home.

 

Even showering, or doing laundry, or being in the kitchen.

Going outside with the dogs.

They just look at me like, "Mom are you going to run around with us?"

"Where's Dad?"

 

All they do is sleep and look out the window,

and get in my face.. I think they realize how sad I am.

Any time anyone asks me how he is, or where he is, or tells me

to be strong, or that if I need anything to let them know..

I almost break down.

I don't cry in front of people.

I try not to cry at all..

But I sense a break down in the future.

 

Potentially when I go back to Washington.

I keep getting the urge to call it home.

But the reality is home is wherever my husband is.

Wherever the military moves us..

 

Even though I was born and raised in Washington

Its not my home anymore.

The reality of being an adult is setting in.

Deep.

 

Especially when this little boy gets here, and I am on my own.

I hope the dogs act alright.. it may take a little while..

I just wish Justin was here, so we could work on training them

BEFORE the baby comes.

And after.

 

Hearing from him is the best.

But hanging up the phone is the hardest.

I feel like some people think I hear from him all the time.

I get a 20 minute phone call every 2-3 days. MAYBE.

 

We have Skyped once since he left.

That was on his way there, not while he's actually there.

What I would do to see and touch his face.

To hug him. To kiss him. To hold his hand..

 

Sometimes you take all that for granted.

And don't realize what you have until you can't have it anymore.

 

I just want him home.

More than anything.